Opening to new interests
May 27th, 2008 | by admin |One of the principles I lay out in my book is that it is very important to do things together. (I explain why in my book.)
One of the key ways to do this is to find new things to do. And it is not important that you begin only if the two of you are interested from the get go.
Sometimes one of you will be the initiator and the other the observer. And if the interest blossoms, the observer may well “want in,” which can be beautiful when it happens.
And if not, at least you’re doing something to keep yourself enthused with life, and that brings newness to your marriage, too.
Donna and I are already learning ballroom dancing through Arthur Murray Studios. Other areas I’m starting to explore:
- gardening
- local travel (what with the high cost of fuel – it needs to be local)
- billiards and pool
- collecting – not sure what yet – I’m already a packrat – do I really need more stuff? Well – yes I do.
The point isn’t to list every possibility. The point is to show possibility.
Good marriages are, at least in part, about possibilities; about exploring new things together.
I bid you, good morning.
- Bal
2 Responses to “Opening to new interests”
By Sudarmaji Lamiran on May 28, 2008 | Reply
Just bought an (almost-ruined) house last week. Yesterday we discussed how to build a new one with the entire family members. As the head of family, I presented my plan first. Others listening. And there come discussion session.
That’s the hard part to face with.
Nobody agreed with my plan. My wife said it’s better to hire an architect or home interior to save time and budget, my little daughter (third grade, 9 years old) protested why united two houses (the new one is just built at next space) and my oldest son (19 years) said nothing.
It sounds good to do things together with the spouse indeed, but where you don’t know to do next. what will you do?
I think this is not an romantic episode anymore, more domestic one?
Does your ebook has to do with this issue?
Thank for reading my post.
By admin on May 28, 2008 | Reply
Hi Sudarmaji,
The short answer is “yes,” there are ideas in my ebook that can help you sort this kind of thing out. In fact most of my book deals with “domestic” rather than just “romantic.” And yet the domestic has such a profound effect on the romantic, doesn’t it?
What you’ve run into with the purchase of your house is an “important thing.” Chapter 10 of my book deals with just this: handling important things. Also I believe my chapters on “safety valves” will be very useful to you.
But let me do more than plug my book and give you some things to think about.
First – I’d suggest that unless your wife is a dummy that there is no real “head of the family” other than the two of you as a couple. Now I realize that there may be a cultural component and that perhaps you’re of a traditional culture where the man is considered the “head, i.e., the boss.” But let me ask you: does it do any good to move on your own and have your wife resent you for excluding her view of things?
Second – kids shouldn’t really be centrally involved in your planning sessions. Listen to your kids’ opinions, certainly, but I think then it’s you and your wife.
Third – you state that “you don’t know to do next.” Then why is it just up to you?
I suggest that you work it through together, be gentle with each other in all things as you go together and deal strongly with the world and understand that you and your wife are in this together.
There’s much in my book that I think can help you.
Thanks for your question. I wish you and your family good tidings.
- Bal