FAQ: About My Book: Without the Fighting

FAQ about Without the Fighting – Stop all that arguing & fighting and enjoy your marriage instead (what a concept)…

Question #1: What’s the book about?
Very simply, the book is about exactly what the title says it’s about. It’s about the things that let people fight less and enjoy their marriage more. More than a dry “how to” book, it gives you “the heart” of the mindset and the “heartset” that enables you and your wife or husband to communicate better, deal with important things more pleasantly and to build trust in new and easy ways.

Question #2: Who is your book for?
Excellent question. I’m glad you asked. Maybe it would be better to start with who it’s not for. My book is NOT aimed at you if:

- Yours is a marriage in deep trouble.
- You or your spouse absolutely refuse to believe that there’s any need to improve your situation and that everything would just be fine if you’d simply shut up.
- There is simply no time to do anything other than what you’re already doing. When your situation changes, come on back.
- You fight with each other, but you like it and consider it a sign of “passion,” and you thus have no desire to change it.
- There’s an abusive component to the fighting. If that’s your situation, get professional help NOW. Not tomorrow. Right now. Life’s too short; your kids are too important to put up with real abuse. (But don’t cry wolf, or you will be the one who’s guilty of abuse.)
- You don’t fight at all. And it’s not because you don’t deal with things. It’s because you’ve also cracked the code; same as myself and Donna. You don’t need my book; though you may enjoying the validation that comes from seeing how much we overlap and agree. :)
- You’re a fragile, dainty little flower who can’t take responsibility for what happens in your life. If you’re looking for me to “fix your marriage,” I’m sad to say that you’ve come to the wrong place. If in following my suggestions you think you’re going to hold me responsible, think again. Your decisions are your decisions.
- You believe that “the entire problem” is your spouse’s fault. Actually, you could benefit from my book a lot, but it would require you to take some little degree of responsibility. My book is not a magic wand to change your spouse.

Question #2a – So who *is* your book for?

My book is for you IF you’re in a loving relationship (I say marriage, but really any long term relationship), and you argue, bicker and fight more than you’d like to. You wish you could change things, but somehow the little things just get to you and you’re fights happen before you know it.

Question #3 – How readable is your book? How long?

Without the Fighting is about 20,000 words; about the size of a short paperback novel. Readability? If you can understand what I’m writing here, you can understand my book. No egg-headed jargon. Think of it like you and me sitting across from each other at a table in a casual restaurant. Reading my book will be sort of like that.

Question #4 – What can I expect to get from reading your book?

- Ideas about how to improve your communication with each other.
- A much better understanding of the things that are important in your life. And one of the biggest trouble-making ideas that has been inflicted upon us in modern society. I’d say this one stupid idea has been the source of more than 30% of all arguments and fights, maybe more. I don’t have hard evidence, but everything I see makes me believe it’s true.
- An understanding of marital safety valves, why they’re important, some of the ones Donna and I use to make things go easier (I’ll tell you, for example, how we turned the word “refrigerator” into a verb. Some of our extended family members have started “refrigertoring” some of the things in their lives – and they use our word! Very cool to know it fits so well.
- The meaing of proactive giving. I can’t begin to tell you how important this principle is.

Actually – all 11 principles that I identify in my book loop into one another. Trust feeds better communication which feeds the robustness of your marriage which leads to more communcation – just to give you a simple example.

Question #5 – You mention safety valves. What exactly are they?

Another great question. Go to the head of the class. The marital “safety valves” are akin to the safety valves in a hydraulic system where steam is created and builds pressure. If the pressure gets too intense, the system goes “nuts” (a technical term) and might explode. In the same way, people can get upset and tense. If the tension becomes too great, we can also go “nuts” (there’s that technical term again), and our marriages can suffer.

Safety valves help us release the pressure so we can go more pleasantly, evenly, and peacefully with each other as we deal with the issues in our lives.

Question #6 – Can you summarize everything you just wrote in a single paragraph?

You don’t ask for much do you. How about 2 paragraphs: this one and the next.

Without the Fighting is a book that goes into 11 principles and multiple safety valves that have helped Donna and I go through 20 years of marriage with only two difficult & painful arguments (fights). It’s more than a how-to book. It’s also a think about it book and see how it applies in your life book. It’s highly readable; and short enough to be read in a single evening; and you can start applying what you read from the very first principle.

Question #7 – Do you have a guarantee for your book?

Sure do. 60 days. No questions asked. Really very simple. :)

Question #8 – When will your book be available?

Really soon. You can get on the announcement list by subscribing to my newsletter or subscribing to the RSS feed. Or you can simply check back every so often. Newsletter subscribers will receive a discount.

If you have more questions, email me at bal at extraordinaryinoneway.com with “FAQ: another question” in the subject line and I will respond within 24 hours.

Regards,
Regards - Bal